another day

So after my wonderful evening yesterday 😉

Today is jsut anouther day without my David.

I went in service and none of my people I wanted to talk to today were home. We walked down a street in Havana and I got to talk to one woman, but she already belonging to a church did not want to discuss Bible prophesies wiht me. Dylan liked the point I wa bringing out with her though. I said how even in small towns today If I were to ask, “do you know of anyone who has been the victim of a violent crime?” they will likely answer “Yes”. Especially in Havana with that Corey kid who being in a wheelchair still got bullied. He studies with Jehovah’s Wittesses now. In 2 Timothy3:1-5 we read about qualities people would display in the last days before armagedon. These include people lacking in natural affection. When we read of women killing thier children that is what I think of as being against natural affection. It is not even shocking anymore when we see these kind of stories in the News. Well that is one of six prophesies being fulfilled right now that the May Watchtower discusses. Not that I said all that to her, but that is the point I was sharing. I am going at 1:30 to take Allison to Havana for a couple of studies she has. I still need to study for the meeting. I can’t comment, but I will get more out of it if I know what they are talking about. The Meetings are like a meal. I can go to a restraunt, but if I don’t eat any food, I can still starve.

Really though all I can think of right now is how I can’t wait to be Mrs. David James Barr 🙂 I liked meeting some of his friends. It’s kinda weird being “the girlfriend”. I wonder if they’ve heard that one before and so what do they think of how I’m gonna treat my man. He has been beat down by the wrong girls. I want him always to feel good about himself and about us. I love love love him!!!

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today’s bible text

Thursday, May 5
He is a propitiatory sacrifice for our sins.—1 John 2:2.
If we appreciate what Jehovah and his Son have done in order to deliver us from sin and death, we will show it. (1 John 5:3) We will fight against our tendency to sin. Never will we give in to the willful practice of sin and lead the hypocritical double life that often goes with it. Such a course would amount to saying that we do not value or appreciate the ransom at all. Rather, we will show our appreciation by working hard to stay clean in God’s sight. (2 Pet. 3:14) We will show it by sharing with others our wonderful hope of deliverance, so that they too may have a clean standing with Jehovah and the hope for an eternal future. (1 Tim. 4:16) Surely Jehovah and his Son are worth every bit of the time and energy we can devote to praising them! (Mark 12:28-30) Think of it! We can look forward to life as God meant it to be, in perfection, forever—all because of what Jehovah has done to deliver us!—Rom. 8:21. w09 9/15 5:15, 17

hmm… have I taken the ransom for granted? Well, if I were married to David it wouldn’t be a sin, 4 or so times. Hey, he posts on FB how great last night was…of course Sarah asks why cuz she knows I was not home and what else would give him a satisfying evening to post about at the same time I get home… Granted I always say I have nothing to hide, but wow is he blonde sometimes. So am I most times, but I think he should tell her how he has started a new exercise program. That is sorta true. I don’t condone lying, but I do tend to utilize facts in my favor as most ppl do. Does he think ill of me for that? I don’t want to be or have a way of thinking or doing things that will make my love uncomfortable or less respecting of me. I’ve let our relationship get strained enough by listening to everyone else. Yes God should be a part of our lives and marriage, but just him and us. A three fold cord. Not 5 or 10. Well, I am going in the ministry today and at the meeting tonight they will announce that I have been publically reproved. wow that will be weird. and embarrasing. ok, I’ve got to get ready so Sarah still has time if she needs in the bathroom.

good morning

So, I had my interpretation of judgement last night. I say interpretation because God is the judge and the elders merly read scriptures and pray for holy spirit and try to determine what has been decided by God, but none of us will truly know until God’s day of Judgement comes. I don’t think they were wrong. My relationship has become by whatever reason public knowledge so that people must know I did not go uncorrected. I have erred, I have not been fully heading counsel, and I have ill intent to continue to either do wrong or to at least ignore counsel more. I have already. I broke down and talked to “Him”. Sarah could tell from down stairs and asked me about it. I mentioned how difficult this was for me (which was why I had called her first until my phone died) and how I know she can’t help me. She understood and of course mentioned how hard it was on her, just adding to everything else weighing on her mind. Anyways, I love talking on the phone, in person, whatever I can get with david, but it doesn’t take much and my defences are completely disarmed. We are talking about getting a ring and going to the courthouse. Actually we don’t need rings, although I do want one, but my mom and Brett didn’t have any when they just got married. Ok, so it was easy to want to agree to go ahead now and do this rather than wait until we are both serving Jehovah, because it is  something we had already talked about before and I had wanted to do. But now I can see how this will create big ripples of chaos and disharmony with all of our family and friends. My life centers around my worship. I fthat is no longer the center, if I put David as my center, then everything else becomes completely imballanced. Yes I love him completely, yes I want to be with him for as long as God allows us to live on this Earth. I am just scared; cold feet perhaps. I texted Jason this morning, (rather than late.) and I told him how my mind felt like jello. I want to do what is “right” but am tormented with still wanting to marry David. I admitted I am tempted to do what they will consider foolish and stupid. I wonder how he will reply. The announcement will come Thursday night. Oh I thot Sarah worked until 9 Friday but that is tonight and Friday she works until 5. If I want to go with David to get a ring, I will have to go tonight. That is scarry. I know Jehovah wants to protect me from doing anything that will damage my relationship with him, so I am sure someone will try to call and want to do something with me tonight and I will not have an excuse.  I will prepare for both options and see if I listen to my heart or my conscience. My conscience has not been working well lately, but is suddenly putting up red flags all over the place now. The whole time talking to David I felt good because I love him, but felt bad because I have bee cautioned that he is still not a good associate. I hope Scott can explain things better, because I do not understand myself really. I think that is part of the problem, maybe I should do some research. Ok, I work 10-6 today and need to be getting ready.

Today’s scripture text and comments say:

Wednesday, May 4

Manyarethefriendsoftherichperson.—Prov.14:20.

That observation sums up the tendency of imperfect humans to form friendships based on what they can receive rather than on what they can give. Jesus displayed no such weakness. He was not swayed by a person’s financial or social status. Jesus was known, not for his connections to the wealthy and prominent, but for befriending the lowly and despised. (Matt. 11:19) Certainly, Jesus’ friends were flawed individuals. Peter on occasion failed to view matters from a spiritual perspective. (Matt. 16:21-23) James and John showed an ambitious spirit when they asked that Jesus give them prominent positions in the Kingdom. Their action incensed the other apostles, and the issue of prominence was an ongoing cause of contention. Jesus, however, patiently tried to correct the thinking of his friends and did not easily become exasperated with them.—Matt. 20:20-28. w09 10/15 3:3, 4

Yes, even those close to Jesus who witnessed first hand his miricles were lacking in faith and erred many times. Jesus was willing to forgive them because he knew their hearts were good. I hope my heart is good.

Audio Post

tuesday

okay so it’s turesday morning. I’m up already. The Daily Scripture Text for today says we should be imitators of God (Ephesians 5:1). The watchtower from 2009 comments: Jehovah God sets the perfect example of courtesy. Despite his high position as Sovereign of the universe, he treats humans with great kindness and respect. In addressing both Abraham and Moses, Jehovah used a Hebrew term often translated “please.” (Gen. 13:14; Ex. 4:6) When his servants commit errors, Jehovah is “merciful and gracious, slow to anger and abundant in loving-kindness and trueness.” (Ps. 86:15) He is far different from some humans who explode with fury when others do not meet their expectations. God’s good manners are also evident in the way he listens to humans. When Abraham raised questions regarding the people of Sodom, Jehovah patiently answered each one. (Gen. 18:23-32) He did not view Abraham’s concern as a drain on His time. Jehovah listens to the prayers of his servants and to the cries of repentant sinners. (Ps. 51:11, 17) Should we not imitate Jehovah by listening when others speak to us? w09 11/15 5:3, 4
I remember a verse talking about how he lifts us up and he comes down to meet us. While he is the highest personage in the universe he is humble in his dealings with mankind. today’s text brings out how God displays manners. I like knowing He listens when I speak to HIm and He is considerate when I fall short of what He expects from me.
I want to prove to God that I am as devoted to Him as I had said I would be, and as much as I am to David. I hope I have been strong enough these past few days; I don’t think I could have been any stronger. There is a verse that says when I am weak then I am powerful. This is because of the strength God gives through His holy spirit. This is something I can pray for to help me. I pray all the time, but I need to be more specific. I work 10-6 today and my judicial meeting is tonight. I hope all goes well. At least I know whatever is decided, it will be what is best for me and for the congregation. I just hope I am not disiplined too harshly cuz it don’t take much for me. I am much more sensitive than I let on. Oh my alarm is going off upstairs!

Audio Post

nothing

that’s right. I did pretty much nothing today. I never do that. boy I must be pretty depressed. Ok so i didn’t do just nothing; that’s not possible for me. I started washing dishes but when I cut my hand on the pizza cutter I gave up. Sarah left after that and I went back to bed. Then Aunt Tricia text me. She an Tony came over this afternoon for a while. That was nice. I haven’t seen them in a long time. I uploaded some old photos I found and put them on YahooPulse. I watched an episode of Numb3rs Sarah put on netflix and left a note that it was for me. That’s one of my favorite shows. I think that is her way of acnowloging peace between us. I made tuna patties for lunch and ate them all. This is why I don’t like to cook anymore. My back hurts; think I will go back to bed. I have my judicial meeting with the elders tommorrow. I’m trying to prepare myself, but I have no idea what to expect. David encouraged me with a text that he is definitely going to study. I wonder if he saw my response to his comment; I don’t think he did or he wouldn’t’ve questioned my loyalty and devotion. Granted I betrayed my loyallty to God, but look what for! Now I know that’s not the right attitude, but I’m trying to sort my head out. One thing I know though is my love will not fade, it is a constant variable in the eqation of my life. Can ya tell I was watchin numb3rs? lol. Think I have a fever; better lay down. Wish I was laynig in my love’s arms. O.K. maybe I should run a little first. lol. Trampoline should be fine. Forgot what else I wanted to say; I do that alot lately.

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