So, I had my interpretation of judgement last night. I say interpretation because God is the judge and the elders merly read scriptures and pray for holy spirit and try to determine what has been decided by God, but none of us will truly know until God’s day of Judgement comes. I don’t think they were wrong. My relationship has become by whatever reason public knowledge so that people must know I did not go uncorrected. I have erred, I have not been fully heading counsel, and I have ill intent to continue to either do wrong or to at least ignore counsel more. I have already. I broke down and talked to “Him”. Sarah could tell from down stairs and asked me about it. I mentioned how difficult this was for me (which was why I had called her first until my phone died) and how I know she can’t help me. She understood and of course mentioned how hard it was on her, just adding to everything else weighing on her mind. Anyways, I love talking on the phone, in person, whatever I can get with david, but it doesn’t take much and my defences are completely disarmed. We are talking about getting a ring and going to the courthouse. Actually we don’t need rings, although I do want one, but my mom and Brett didn’t have any when they just got married. Ok, so it was easy to want to agree to go ahead now and do this rather than wait until we are both serving Jehovah, because it is something we had already talked about before and I had wanted to do. But now I can see how this will create big ripples of chaos and disharmony with all of our family and friends. My life centers around my worship. I fthat is no longer the center, if I put David as my center, then everything else becomes completely imballanced. Yes I love him completely, yes I want to be with him for as long as God allows us to live on this Earth. I am just scared; cold feet perhaps. I texted Jason this morning, (rather than late.) and I told him how my mind felt like jello. I want to do what is “right” but am tormented with still wanting to marry David. I admitted I am tempted to do what they will consider foolish and stupid. I wonder how he will reply. The announcement will come Thursday night. Oh I thot Sarah worked until 9 Friday but that is tonight and Friday she works until 5. If I want to go with David to get a ring, I will have to go tonight. That is scarry. I know Jehovah wants to protect me from doing anything that will damage my relationship with him, so I am sure someone will try to call and want to do something with me tonight and I will not have an excuse. I will prepare for both options and see if I listen to my heart or my conscience. My conscience has not been working well lately, but is suddenly putting up red flags all over the place now. The whole time talking to David I felt good because I love him, but felt bad because I have bee cautioned that he is still not a good associate. I hope Scott can explain things better, because I do not understand myself really. I think that is part of the problem, maybe I should do some research. Ok, I work 10-6 today and need to be getting ready.
Today’s scripture text and comments say:
Wednesday, May 4
That observation sums up the tendency of imperfect humans to form friendships based on what they can receive rather than on what they can give. Jesus displayed no such weakness. He was not swayed by a person’s financial or social status. Jesus was known, not for his connections to the wealthy and prominent, but for befriending the lowly and despised. (Matt. 11:19) Certainly, Jesus’ friends were flawed individuals. Peter on occasion failed to view matters from a spiritual perspective. (Matt. 16:21-23) James and John showed an ambitious spirit when they asked that Jesus give them prominent positions in the Kingdom. Their action incensed the other apostles, and the issue of prominence was an ongoing cause of contention. Jesus, however, patiently tried to correct the thinking of his friends and did not easily become exasperated with them.—Matt. 20:20-28. w09 10/15 3:3, 4
Yes, even those close to Jesus who witnessed first hand his miricles were lacking in faith and erred many times. Jesus was willing to forgive them because he knew their hearts were good. I hope my heart is good.