time lapse

a time lapse has incurred since my last post. A lot has happened. Since my last post I was given an ultimatum. I had already been told to not talk to David and failed twice. I had already been disciplined with public reproof. Now I faced discipline with disfellowshipping. But the way he said it. NEVER talk to David ever or do. That day, a Sunday,  I went home, did the reading assigned, prayed, received a clarifying text from Jason, and made my decision. I went to Peoria, got David and took him to meet my family. I had decided that day I was going to move in with David. I told Sarah on Thursday and left. Three days later she bought a new lock for the front door so I couldn’t get my stuff without her being there. That is just one of the stupid and wrong way  and psychotic things she has done in my regard. I had thought we were friends and sisters, but she has made it clear that we are not. I dreamt one day that we would be again. That would have to be entirely up to her though and I likely won’t trust her. Anyways, I had my stuff by the end of the month. It is in storage though. I wish we could move into a different place or fix/arrange this one so I could have more things to make it feel like I actually live here. I also don’t want to just keep living together. I feel weird when I love him so much but he doesn’t want to marry me, as if it might not work out. I can tell this is a special relationship/bond for me, but what about David. He says he loves me forever, but has he thought he felt that way before with other girls? I do think it’s good we are not rushing, but time with David in my life moves so much faster. A few months is almost a year in relationship time. I think too we need to be more organized with bills/money. I worry about that. I also worry how my being disfellowshipped with affect my relationships with my family. My uncle Steve almost committed suicide. But when he was, he also lost his wife to his cousin, so extra depressing. At least I have David. I love when he texts/calls me when we are apart, when he caresses my skin, when he tells me how he feels. I know he loves me then. I also love how he loves me each night and leaves me satisfied yet wanting more. I hope I don’t disappoint him though with my inexperience. I want him to feel as good as he makes me feel.  He tries a little to instruct me, but it’s not easy and usually what he wants me to do I am not a fan of, but for Him, yes for Him I will do what I can. I am concerned for his health too. Changing his diet is not something either of us is up for, but perhaps some sort of supplements may help. I am going to see if he will take those pills I had got for myself but used the ones my Mom got me the next day. I never got back to that store, so I didn’t return them. They are mainly for digestion but will also benefit his skin. I think he will feel better overall. I have today off work and am a little bored. Wendy has moved in. I wonder for how long. It is weird having two women in one household. What if Dawn comes back? Yeah what would she had done if David and I had left this house and moved? She keeps thinking it is hers, but it is a rental and she moved out and stopped paying. Oh well. I just have something to look forward too now: peacefulness with just David and I. I am not saying I wouldn’t want anyone living with us, but clearly defied areas. I have stuff in the other bedroom because I have no personal space to put anything. I would store those things, but it is too hot in the shed for them. Now I need to move them and I don’t know where to put them. I still feel like a temporary guest here sometimes. It’s a life experience, but I’ve lived on someone’s couch before. At least I had a corner to throw my stuff and they let me use the fridge. Maybe I’m just a spoiled only child brat. But I’ve shared a room before too. If I could survive living with my father, I think I can survive any living situation. I refuse to let anyone’s attempts to make my early experiences with my dearest David negative. That is why I refuse to feel ashamed. We grow closer and more in love and that is GOOD.

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